I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize