Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Randomize
