she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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