I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
