No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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