I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
