just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
