I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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