Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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