Your mouth is God's brothel.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
