Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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