just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
