what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
