I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
