I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Randomize
