I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize
