dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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