i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
