Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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