I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
