the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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