Pappa wants mamma naked
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Randomize
