Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
