I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
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