You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Randomize
