I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
