god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
