all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
