turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
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