I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
