omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
