i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
