Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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