i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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