a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
