I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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