So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
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