She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
