Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
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