yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize