On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
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