I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Randomize
