thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Randomize
