literally had 100 drinks last night.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
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