we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
