this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize