I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
