How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
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