Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Randomize
