Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
