I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
