Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize