We tried having a conversation with our noses.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
