no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
he laminated a picture of his dick.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
