I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Randomize
