Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
