were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
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