my text book just quoted the cookie monster
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
