Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
i barfeds in our rink
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
