we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Randomize
