Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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