In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
