so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
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