when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
