She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
