The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
