Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Go christen that room with your naked body.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
