Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
he wants to bone in the snuggie
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Randomize
