you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
