ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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