so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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