Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
