I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
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