i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
