i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
