I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
