I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
