So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
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