And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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