I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
