the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Randomize
