We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
