yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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