I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
