Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Randomize
