GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
