That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
