I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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