when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
