I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize