I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
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