my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Randomize
