Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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