Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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