I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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