Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
