I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Randomize
