Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
