She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
