We're facebook friends in real life
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
